Fibromyalgia and sexuality
Pain is an intruder into the daily lives of fibromyalgia sufferers and can interfere with sexual desire. The fear of movement, discomfort, and increased pain can be self-limiting. Sex should be regarded as a release for the pain though, not something which has hurtful consequences. With reduced expectations, pleasure from sex is achievable even in spite of a painful illness. By reduced expectations, you can understand that aggressive sex is not advised. Gentle, tender, and creative sexual intercourse can actually be soothing and healing. Following a sexual encounter, endorphins are released. Endorphins are the body's own natural painkillers and their beneficial effect can last up to a few hours. Gentle touch, kissing, holding, and massage are vital to intimacy. Whatever provokes sensations of pleasure while diminishing sensations of pain is beneficial. Visual stimulation can be helpful especially since the mind is said to be the most powerful sexual organ. Some things can be done ahead of time in preparation for a sexual encounter. Though this contradicts the theory that sex must be spontaneous, such planning can be helpful for reducing pain and making the encounter more enjoyable. -Plan sex for the time of day you generally feel best Sex can still be spontaneous at times. During those occasions you find yourself feeling better, seize the opportunity for physical, sexual gratification. Physical limitation varies for different people. Besides the obvious physical impact of fibromyalgia, the changes and challenges which it causes can have a psychological impact too. Not only does the physical body hurt, but self-esteem and confidence can be hurt as well. It will mean different things to different people but the goal remains the same, to feel good about yourself. A new haircut, a new outfit, a new look are ways to work toward that goal. When you do finally feel good about yourself, other people are drawn to that energy. Unreasonable fears about sexuality and intimacy, feelings of apprehension, insecurity, and inhibition are unattractive qualities. Other people are not drawn to negative energy. Shed the negativity by reaching out to help others, joining a club, or any interaction which has a positive consequence. Feelings of self-worth will then be enhanced and you will be reassuring yourself that you are deserving of a strong, loving, committed emotional and physical relationship. Stress caused by a chronic illness can potentially lead to relationship problems. Open communication is a necessity in all relationships but in relationships where illness is a factor, communication between partners is imperative. Your fears and your partner's fears must be discussed. How you are feeling, what you are thinking, what you need, what makes you feel good, and what you want must be shared. Perhaps your partner is afraid that sexual activity will cause you pain. Unless you assure your partner that is not the case, the fear becomes embedded. Perhaps by rating your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, your partner can more easily understand and judge the times you feel better and the times you will be more responsive.
Medications which are taken to treat fibromyalgia to relieve pain can have side effects which affect sexual desire and performance. Depression, fatigue, and weight gain are among the side effects. A change in medication or in the dosage schedule may make a difference so do not assume you must live with the undesirable effects.
If you were in good physical condition prior to the diagnosis, you may have lost muscle mass due to inability to continue with aerobic exercise or weight lifting. This loss of muscle mass or change in weight may cause your self-image to change, and you may see yourself as unattractive. Perception is very important for self-esteem in relationship to sex. Feeling that you are undesirable due to some physical changes can affect not only you, but also your relationship with your partner. Fatigue and pain also play a major part in sexuality, and medications which aid in your sleep patterns can affect our desire for intimacy. Having fibromyalgia means that you have tender points which hurt when pressed. In order to have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, one must have 11 out of 18 tender points in all four quadrants of their body. Some patients have more than 18 tender points, and you may even have days when pain levels are so high that it feels like every area of your body is screaming out in pain. You may not want to be touched, and if you are unable to communicate this to a significant other, not only will your sexual relationship suffer, but your everyday relationship together will also suffer. Sexual intercourse and orgasm are a great stress reliever. Yet if you are hypersensitive to touch, feel fatigued, or have achy muscles due to your fibromyalgia, the last thing you want to do is expend your limited energy reserves for sexual intercourse. Your lack of desire may cause both impotence or painful intercourse. Open communication on how you are feeling physically is very important because without it, your significant other may feel rejected and angry. Planning a time together when sexual intimacy is most desirable for both people is very important. Some people with fibromyalgia feel more energetic in the morning after a good night's sleep, while others prefer the time before sleep in order to use sex as a relaxant to aid in their sleep patterns. Those without children may prefer the time before or after the evening meal. The important key is to communicate and also be willing to change the time if either person is not in the mood or the person with fibromyalgia is having a very bad flare. Pacing yourself throughout the day in order to have a reserve of energy for sexual intercourse is important for sexual intimacy. Taking a warm bath or shower, setting the mood with the use of candles and soft music, and having a gentle body massage with a favorite fragrance or lotion can relax tight muscles and ease your mind from the stress of difficult day. Also, it may be easier to have the person without fibromyalgia take a more active role. Then you can enjoy the sensations rather than feeling that you have to perform. Some of the antidepressants which are used to aid in sleep patterns and pain levels do cause adverse effects on orgasm and libido or sexual desire. Controlled studies have shown that certain antidepressants have the side effects of either delayed or absent orgasm and ejaculatory delay. A variety of treatment options are available if a person experiences antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction. Often, modification of the pharmacologic regimen will restore sexual function while maintaining the desired effects of the antidepressant. This is where a knowledgeable physician and pharmacist can be helpful. Explaining to one's significant other that the medication is causing sexual dysfunction can relieve the stress and frustration of a partner who may feel that they are at fault. Sometimes it takes several months before the side effects of a particular medication can be seen as the problem for sexual dysfunction. It is very important to discuss this with your physician. There are some antidepressants whose side effects of sexual dysfunction aren't as strong as others, and if another antidepressant can aid in sleep and pain levels, then it may be necessary to change the medication. Dealing with the feelings of body image can’t be ignored. Although you may still look the same, you may not see yourself as you used to be. Some people with fibromyalgia are able to maintain their weight, even though they may be on medications which can alter it. Others can continue to exercise without creating greater pain or fatigue. But you may no longer be able to do the exercises you used to do. You may have gained or lost weight due to the necessary medications which are needed to keep symptoms at a minimum. You may feel embarrassed about being seen or touched, even by a long-term significant other. Being teased about weight changes or lack of muscle tone in everyday interactions can cause you to feel uncomfortable during sexual intimacy. Communication of how you see yourself and how you feel about the changes in your body is extremely important. You must not let your partner make light of your feelings. Your feelings are your own, and what you see in your mirror is how you see yourself. Being told that you are beautiful, have soft skin, nice legs, or any other positive comments may not be believed if that is not what you see. Letting your partner know that you don't see the positives at this time can clue them in on how you’re feeling. Self-gratification or masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of, and mutual masturbation may also be important for releasing tension when intercourse is too painful. Denying yourself sexual desire because you feel certain behaviors are wrong is not helpful for yourself physically or emotionally. Acceptance of yourself just as you are isn't always easy when you are living with a chronic condition, but you have the right to enjoy life, feel sexual and sensual.
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